tonight lets celebrate not being married
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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