Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
