so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
nutella sex= disaster
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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