i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
