Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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