he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
