So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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