My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
