She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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