i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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