dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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