Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Porn is love you can see.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
