I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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