the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
