the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
