You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
