i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize