Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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