why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You made out with two different species that night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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