i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
