if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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