Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
