Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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