I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
