drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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