I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
