Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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