I CAN MOONWALK!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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