It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
