so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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