No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
