Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
