She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
