I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
