wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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