i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
