You just made me feel so damn special
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
