i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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