She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
