what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
