I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So here I am, sexting at work.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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