i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
