i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
