A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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