I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
