We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
