i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
