omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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