So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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