Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
