i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
