Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I AM VODKA MAN
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
