ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
