i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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