I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
