Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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