a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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