I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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