She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
