I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
