Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
