Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
