I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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