Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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