im drinking this country out of the recession.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
