glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
