dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
