I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
