so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
