So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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