it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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