I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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