Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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