Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
